Struggles of Starting Over (part 1)

Instead of always writing about the great things I have experienced here I thought it only fair to also write about the struggles here. When you think about it, moving from one town to another can be stressful enough, but how about moving from one part of the world to another? The decision to move was probably the easiest thing for me to do out of the entire process of actually getting here, although the move itself did have its moments, I do not think I really prepared myself for what was to come after I got here. I knew the basics, I would need a visa, (but which one?) I would need a job, (but where?) I would have to learn the language (which will take years!) but honestly I did not think much about the little things like meeting new friends, being social with neighbors, and even just a simple things like going shopping on my own, appointment making, even ordering your own food!

Flying over Sweden, moments
before the sea.

When moving from one world to another, it really makes you look at the kind of person you are, it challenges you and forces you to adapt to a different way of life. Living in the States for 25 years, I knew how the basic things worked, I knew the layout of the land and how to get around to different places, I had family and friends, somewhat of a social life, I was working jobs that for the most part I enjoyed, I was comfortable. The moment I stepped off the plane in Iceland, I knew I was out of my comfort zone, having to run through the airport to catch my plane in time, was so stressful. I kept thinking "I cannot be stuck here! This is not where I am supposed to be!" I was the last person to get on the transport bus to the plane, with minutes to spare. I felt I could breathe, but again I had no clue that this little moment of panic would be the start of more little ones after I the plane landed a final time. 

I will say it was not until a few months after I got here I started to feel the struggle more and more with having to adapt to a new society and learn even the most basic things all over again. Obtaining my visa was slightly easier than I thought it would be, there were only a couple setbacks but fortunately when I renew next year it will be corrected. It was not until after I received my visa I was able to look for a job, after getting myself registered at the important offices, I was able to apply for a job and within a couple week I was called for an interview. However a month went by before I heard that I was accepted for the job, it was during that time I think everything was really hitting me. During that month of waiting, I had to think of where else I could work, that I could qualify for. The hardest thing about looking for a job, was the fact that I do not speak the language. At the time I did not even have a car to drive myself to language classes and we live far enough away from the city center for me to walk to the bus stop. Looking for jobs online was a trial as well, all the descriptions were available in only Finnish or Swedish (the second main language here) and I could not always rely on Google to translate it correctly for me.

I was starting to feel too dependant on my husband and I did not want that. I wanted to be able to do things on my own, to show him that I could live a normal life and fit in well here. To prove to myself I could do things on my own here and not rely on others all the time. My husband and I went and purchased textbooks on learning Finnish, which I started to teach myself, and it worked enough and still does, although it is difficult at time because I cannot always know I am teaching myself correctly. But the more time passed, the more I kept thinking I was not making progress at all, and still not hearing anything from the job, I was sinking into a depression. Little things started to set me off. If I couldn't remember what I just learned with Finnish, when I was reminded I did not have a car, the fact that because of my status here I am unable to use the internet services everyone else can, so I have to do mostly everything in person or by mail, I could not even make a doctor's appointment on my own because I could not guarantee someone would speak English, and the fact that it was hard to meet new people and make friends when you are unable to work, or drive someplace. Everyday when my husband left for work, these were the constant things running through my mind. 

It was starting to get a little lonely, especially when my husband would go to work, and I would be left at home.  Again seeing that I was out of my comfort zone, I had gotten so used to being with friends at work, and family at home, seeing and interacting with them daily. I did not have that here. When we got our kitten and puppy it got easier, after all it is not like I can socialize with my neighbors either when the most I can say to them is moi (hello), at least I had the animals to socialize with every day. I am happy to saw however, I am finally starting to make some friends here and hope that once I start work in a couple weeks at my new job, it will be easier. It is something I truly did not expect to struggle with, it is not like I had much of a social life back in the States, but I did have a close few I spend a majority of time with that I grew close with. 

I must say I am so grateful to my family here for being so welcoming and helping me because with their friendships and presence it has helped so much, even if I do not see them often, or understand what is being said half the time when I am with them, just having that company does a whole lot of good. Now that things are starting to pick up here, a new car, new job, I feel like I am starting to settle in here better as a resident, I can only hope that as I continue to learn not just the major stuff like the language, but even just the little things, I will start to adapt to this new life with more ease and see that all the struggle has been worth it.